Comments on: Death is a Moving Target

By: Alexandra Erin

Alexandra Erin — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:57:38 +0000

Whoo… great story. I’m going to confuse people who haven’t read any of his adult stories and call the ending very Dahlsian.

Technical critique: I feel like you could have employed a more clear transitional device for the flashbacky parts. I almost wondered, reading it, if the abruptness wasn’t intentional… but if so, in my opinion, it… I guess I’d say “damages” the reading experience. It’s kind of effective in the cab, not so much the other places. In the cab, it felt… well, it would have worked great on the screen, if you were writing for the screen.

By: Plaid Phantom

Plaid Phantom — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:37:50 +0000

I started to write a story for Death Machine, where a neurotic statistician tried to find someone else who died in the exact manner he did (pricked by a record player’s needle). Never finished it, though.

By: Paul Gadzikowski

Paul Gadzikowski — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 03:18:15 +0000

I’d only want to know my date in advance if it was earlier than my webcomic’s planned end.

Even if I did know, it’s not like I’m not already aware that all those cheeseburgers have their effect. Cheeseburgers are worth it. Where your characters go wrong (in a totally human and absolutely believable way; this isn’t a negative criticism, it’s a positive one) is in considering quantity alone. This is a good story with a great twist, but I’d like to see one which follows a protagonist from the creation of the Hafner/Baugh process until s/he dies breaking the record for longest life after the date of the subject’s first Hafner/Baugh reading … and realizes it’s the only interesting thing s/he’s ever done. Or is that trite?

By: Glaser

Glaser — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 02:41:04 +0000

You know, I wasn’t really that interested in this story for a while. For the first half of the story or so, at least, all I was thinking was “Well, it’s an interesting idea.”

Then I came to “She’s working in the technology sector,” and it made all of the characters just click – I hope html works, or that’s going to look pretty stupid – and I started feeling it.

Honestly… to me, it’s good but not terrific.

By: RobinZ

RobinZ — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:21:38 +0000

That’s one slick trick. I think the ending is a bit off, but the twist at the end – that’s a real punch to the groin.

By: kirabug

kirabug — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:09:17 +0000

You’ll be back doing whatever you and Lindy in an hour and a half.

is missing a word.

Otherwise, interesting concept! Also reminded me to take my fiber, as my doctor seems to think my cholesterol score is a Hafner/Baugh score. So – effective!

By: dvandom

dvandom — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 23:02:12 +0000

The pink worm of time, as per Asimov. :)

By: Tephlon

Tephlon — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:14:59 +0000

Ditto.

There is a tribe in Michael Ende’s Neverending Story that knows the exact date they’ll die. (They tricked a god/spirit/something powerful into giving them the knowledge of the future. When he found out he was tricked he took the knowledge away but for one part. The day they were born they would know what day they died.) *

They spend their entire life depressed.

*Last time I read this book was at least 20 years ago. Allowance must be made for errors. This brain of mine isn’t unlike a sieve.

By: Lunatic Muse

Lunatic Muse — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:05:35 +0000

I have to agree with both Moe Lane and LurkerWithout on this one. Very disturbing prospect.

I’d say more but I think it’s going to have to wait for Friday, given the topic.

By: Eric A. Burns

Eric A. Burns — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:04:25 +0000

Minivet — I tend to say the long form of any street when I’m giving directions, including to taxi drivers. So, he did the same here.